Euro 2012: an early form guide to the key battle between BBC and ITV

With Euro 2012 simmering away nicely, CollinsBeans takes a first look at how the pundits are shaping up. It’s largely a case of the same old story…  

At CollinsBeans we like to analyse media coverage of the great game. It’s part of our modus operandi (look right) or mission statement if you prefer more corporate vernacular. Either way, if Adrian Chiles’ mission is to become the most irritating and annoying presence on TV, he’s going about it very nicely indeed.

I know Chiles’ stuttering and muttering style is supposedly part of the appeal; the average bloke who you would see down the Hawthorns on a Saturday afternoon. Yet is it just me who thinks that after several years of broadcasting it might be nice if he could put together a coherent sentence? And occasionally look into the right camera. I fully admit that when Chiles first appeared on the BBC’s Match of the Day 2 I thought he was quite a refreshing presence. But the whole thing feels tired now. And he also tries far too hard to be matey with Roy Keane, which is surely as futile as turning Peter Drury into a good commentator.

ITV’s coverage in general lacks quality, so much so that Jamie Carragher is pretty much the main highlight. Aside from possessing one the thickest and greatest Scouse accents in the land, the Liverpool man does genuinely have something to say and thankfully is prepared to give a critical opinion or two (or about 28 when it comes to Roy Hodgson – Jamie is clearly not a fan). Roy Keane’s “I get really angry and might say something amusingly offensive” act is now only mildly entertaining and Gareth Southgate is just a bit wet. These experts are supplemented with Gordon Strachan (is he really still doing the rounds?) and Patrick Vieira, who despite having a lovely, soothing French accent doesn’t really add anything insightful.

If ITV’s attempts to do something new and provide a fresh perspective have been moderate, the BBC’s are non-existent. Stuck in the Salford studio with the usual MOTD line up, it feels like Alan Shearer may as well be blundering his way through Stoke – Wigan rather than Netherlands - Germany. The only difference is that, as has been pointed out elsewhere, Shearer has clearly been told to smile more. So now we get budget analysis with an inane grin. Is Greece’s lack of creativity really that amusing Alan?

Clarence Seedorf is a welcome addition, but he’s the only attempt to spruce things up, and it can’t be fun having to carry Shearer and Lee Dixon all evening. I’m told the BBC will be heading East once the knockout games start, so hopefully they can make some late additions to their squad along the way.

Without doubt the nadir of the broadcasting experience so far though has been commentator Jonathan Pearce and his bizarre set piece phrases. Pearce obviously knows his stuff, but his attempts to make every single moment of every single game sound utterly crucial and amazing are infuriating.

Goal.

Icon.

National jubilation.

Was this really the best way to describe the Andriy Shevchenko equaliser in the Sweden – Ukraine tie? Although this efficiency with words is in some way welcome, as in general Pearce just never shuts up. He goes on and on and on about everything and anything, using hushed tones to promote the huge and significant drama of Poland winning a throw in their own half.

Also, Pearce likes to hold a grudge I’ve noted. I don’t know if Arjen Robben refused him an interview once, but Pearce is NOT a fan of the Dutch winger. During the Netherlands – Germany game, Pearce made it abundantly clear that Robben was selfish. And that he shoots too much. And he doesn’t play for the team. And he doesn’t like a tackle. And he lets everyone else down. Late in the game when the drama was high after Robin Van Persie pulled a goal back, Pearce was still hammering on about Robben’s apparent show of disrespect after deciding to jump off the pitch at the far side to save time with a substitution, and then casually taking his shirt off.

“I know it’s hot and sweaty, but it’s a gesture. It’s a gesture Mark. LOOK AT HIM. He’s walking past every camera behind the goal now as he makes his way around to the subs bench. EVERY CAMERA. Oh this is not good to see. It’s the gesture; it’s what it means. Not good. Not good at all.”

It’s just a shame the BBC haven’t made a gesture of providing some decent analysis for the fee paying public.