If you’ve been anywhere near Sky Sports News today, no doubt you’ll be aware that the 31 August can only mean one thing; BREAKING NEWS: TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY! Aka the day where lots of men stand around in various car parks across the country trying not to look like suspicious dogging enthusiasts and the day when we have to feign excitement when the announcement comes through that Marcus Bent has joined his 317th club on loan.
Because it’s already a couple of weeks into the season, and because all the sensible deals are put well in place during June and July, the transfers that happen on the last day before the trapdoor slams shut (well until January anyway when we get to do it all again) are often prone to panic, lack of thought and are generally horrifically over-priced. Rarely is it, that a deal completed on the last day of August is a result of painstaking and meticulous planning, Rather it’s usually a result of some last minute realisation that your club doesn’t actually have a left back, that the reserve goalkeeper is crocked or that you really need Amdy Faye to shore up your midfield.
So, with all that in mind, this week’s Famous 5ive gives you a rundown of the very worst examples of logic-sapping, last minute deadline day purchases...
1. Robinho (Real Madrid to Manchester City)
I guess you could call this one the king of the deadline day flops, given that Robinho still (unless Manchester City have spent that £500 million on Lionel Messi whilst writing) occupies the much vaunted record of ‘most expensive signing in British football history’. He is also currently being quietly shunted out to AC Milan following two seasons of pretty sub standard fare. Indeed one of these seasons ended up back in Brazil, such was the paucity of his contribution to the club.
Old Robbie got himself into a bit of a fix on deadline day in 2008. He didn’t want to be at Real Madrid anymore, that was for certain, and he was upset about that. He cried and he cried and he cried, until the club acquiesced to get him the move he wanted. The move to a big club that played in blue that offered Champions League football and that had a Brazilian manager ready to give him the big cuddle that he so badly wanted. Only, things didn’t quite work out that way.
See, Manchester City had just been bought by a rather rich bunch of people from Abu Dhabi and they wanted to make a big splash, a signing of intent to say they had arrived. Given it was transfer deadline day, their options were a bit limited; sure they had lots of money, but there wasn’t much time to do the deal, they needed to act fast and go for an unsettled player. Did it matter if they paid over the odds? Did it heck, they wanted a big name, and £32 million? PAH! A drop in the ocean. So began Robinho’s legendary career at Middle Eastland’s; at a club he never wanted to be at and at a club he clearly had no idea who they were.
Let’s not pretend there weren’t a few fun moments along the way, a thrilling performance and couple of goals against Arsenal, some nice step over’s, some decent tricks. All done within the comforts of home surroundings mind, it was when he went away that things became a bit more difficult. It’s when the winters set in and the Champions League didn’t come. It was when a rather nasty and angry looking Welshman demanded he track back a little that the wheels finally came off and he was sent off to Brazil to play some amateur teams as a glorified world cup warm up.
Gone but not forgotten then, British football’s record man. (Matt Snelling)
2. Pascal Chimbonda (Wigan Athletic to Tottenham & Sunderland to Tottenham)
Huge amounts of cash are often lavishly flung about on deadline day, and indeed there are some spectacularly poor transfer window deals around – for evidence, simply see some of the other names on this list. However, often it is the less dramatic trades that nonetheless demonstrate some of the worst business acumen this side of Woolworth’s post-2000 financial strategy. Pascal Chimbonda is one such example.
In the summer of 2006, Tottenham Hotspur desperately panicked on deadline day, and rather foolishly decided to write a cheque of £4.5 million for the gloved right-back. Sure, this doesn’t compare financially to a Robinho, but still - £4.5 million…
Chimbonda had impressed with Wigan during the previous campaign, but it strikes me that no proper scouting was really conducted. Chimbonda had produced decent games, scored a couple of eye-catching goals and essentially looked quite good on Match of the Day highlights. However, Chimbonda hadn’t really proved his ability, and proper research might have revealed that he is actually a bit small for a defender, lacks positional knowledge, and has somewhat of an attitude problem. Not entirely surprisingly, Chimbonda proved to be a flop at White Hart Lane, and was subsequently shunted off to Sunderland a season later.
What’s quite remarkable though is that Tottenham then decided to sign the Frenchman again towards the end of the January 2009 transfer window, for a reported £3 million. So this is a two for the price of one entry to this Famous 5ive if you like, although if you’re Tottenham, it’s more like one for the price of two, which has never been good business. In total, Tottenham splashed out £.7.5 million on petulant Pascal. They did recoup some cash from the transfer to Sunderland, and subsequent sale to Blackburn Rovers in 2009 after six months of more mediocre football, in which Chimbonda proved that Tottenham showed poor judgement on both occasions.
It’s the kind of desperate, anxious, seemingly harmless but actually a significant waste of money transfer that really underlines how cash can be frittered away when the clock is ticking, and Sky Sports News are counting down to the apocalypse that is six months without transfer updates. (James Platt)
3. Andy van der Meyde (Inter Milan to Everton)
Wanting to inject some culture and invention to his, at times, rather workmanlike Everton team, David Moyes shelled out around 4.5 million on transfer deadline day in 2005 to bring the, erm ‘explosive’ Dutch winger Andy van der Meyde to the club. If the manager had wanted fireworks then that was what he got, just sadly not many of them coming on the pitch. His first season didn’t really see him set the world on fire. Making just 11 appearances with no goals scored, his most noteworthy accomplishment was receiving a straight red card in his first Merseyside derby for a foul on ‘red-card-attracting’ Xabi Alonso. That was the high point.
Rumours of alcoholism, admissions to hospital with breathing problems, claims his drink had been spiked in a bar in Liverpool, not to mention several missed training sessions and disciplinary hearings with his manager all climaxed with the shocking theft of his pet dog. Was nothing scared?! By the summer of 2009, following four seasons of just 20 appearances, no goals, and um, not much else, he was quietly ushered out of the tradesman’s entrance at the back of Goodison Park. I guess it sums up his time at the club, that his finest moment, the decisive assist in Dan Gosling’s winning goal in the FA Cup fourth round against the old enemies from down the road, was missed because of the infamous Tic-Tac advert. (MS)
4. Afonso Alves (Heerenveen to Middlesbrough)
As transfer window flops go, Afonso Alves is right up there with the best of them. A late January deal, as opposed to a September signing, Alves cost Middlesbrough £13 million from Dutch club Heerenveen in 2008. Just sit back and take that in for a second. £13 million.
To be fair to Boro, Alves had a frankly obscene scoring record in Holland, bagging 45 goals in 39 games for Heerenveen. He had also been called up to the Brazil squad. Nonetheless, the facts remain, and Alves was a massive, massive disappointment at the Riverside, displaying the type of finishing that could have been secured for about a hundredth of the price. Despite his sturdy build, it seemed that Alves couldn’t finish his dinner in the North-East, let alone a regulation chance from 10 yards.
The evidence is also there that scoring a few in the Eredivisie doesn’t necessarily mean you will score anywhere else. The name Mateja Kezman comes to mind.
Alves had admittedly shown some sort of ability, yet even at the time £13 million looked like a lot of money and had just a whiff of desperation about it. Alves has since moved onto the lofty heights of Al-Rayyan Sports Club, whilst at the time of writing, Boro currently sit 16th in the Championship. It’s hard to know who has gone further downhill. (JP)
5. Ricardo Quaresma (FC Porto to Inter Milan)
Dipping out of English football, we have the transfer of the ‘mercurial’ (red bafflingly inconsistent) Ricardo Quaresma from Porto to Inter Milan. Growing up through the ranks at Sporting Lisbon Quaresma was described by many as being even more talented that Cristiano Ronaldo. Now he plays for Besiktas.
If Jose Mourinho goes out on a limb to sign you, you normally have something about you. If 18.6 million Euro’s are stumped up for your signature then you also has some pressure to perform. Sadly the Portuguese winger didn’t quite live up to his vaunted reputation in Italy. Impressive performances for Porto did not translate, and by the time January rolled around he had already shown enough (i.e. nothing) to justify the club making the decision to omit him from their Champions League squad. A loan spell at Chelsea followed, where the Stamford Bridge faithful didn’t really get a chance to see if he was either good or bad; he only played four times for them.
On his return to Milan, Mourinho decided to give him another chance, even giving him the retiring Luis Figo’s number 7 shirt number. Safe to say, it wasn’t a lucky omen. One goal in two years at the club says it all, let’s just hope Turkish football is a little more accommodating. (MS)
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